For many women, the traditional markers of success—promotions, accolades, and financial rewards—often mask deeper, underlying questions: Is this truly fulfilling me? Is this where and how I envisioned my life and work?
Achieving personal and professional milestones can feel hollow when your life no longer aligns with your authentic self. This is where the emotional intelligence concept of self-actualization comes into play.
Self-actualization, as defined by psychologist Abraham Maslow, is "the noble pursuit of being the best version of oneself." While it might sound a bit like psychological jargon (aka psycho-babble), the concept is integral to our well-being and our human experience. Self-actualization is not an end goal; it is an ongoing, dynamic process of elevating our sense of purpose with the reward of joy and fulfillment.
In its raw form for me, it’s about recognizing my potential, making difficult decisions - many in conflict with caring for others - and taking intentional action to align with my core values and what I deem to be my authentic self. It's a moment in time and place in my heart where I strive to be - I need to be - at this stage of my life. Of course, it’s easier said than done. It's hard work at times. It requires constant self-reflection, self-evaluation, and a mindful approach to understanding and addressing my needs in a healthy, fulfilling way. It’s not always easy, but as I look ahead to 2025, I have made a promise to myself to embrace the "Me First" mindset. Read more Evolving Duty to Desire: The Power of Embracing the "Me First" Mindset. Maestro Encore Blog, August 30, 2024
As a woman driven by my ambitions while navigating the dual role of caregiving and supporting another caregiver, I often feel distant from the sense of self-fulfillment I strive for. Life feels fragile and uncertain —caring for others, running a business, supporting clients who face similar challenges, and trying to prioritize my own needs and self-care. Each demand pulls me in a different direction, leaving little room to find equilibrium.
I’ve learned that losing touch with self-actualization can be counterproductive. It drains energy and often leads to defaulting to a “whatever” mindset, focusing on tasks like work without a deeper purpose. I want to change that default.
For many accomplished women—be they senior executives or thriving entrepreneurs—deeply personal dreams often take a backseat. The quiet voice of intuition is often silenced by societal pressures, deeply ingrained gender norms, and the unrelenting demands of daily life, overshadowing these deeply held aspirations. If you’ve ever felt this sense of unease or disconnection, you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: realigning your life to experience self-actualization is not only possible—it’s transformative. Embracing optimism and a "Me First" mindset allows you to overcome self-doubt and criticism, clear your energy, and align your life with the path to self-actualization.
Is Your Life Aligned with Self-Actualization?
Do you wake up excited for the day ahead, or does it feel like something’s missing? For me, mornings often come with a lingering sense of unease. I describe this unease as a low rumble of discontent.
My journey began while caring for my father during his battle with terminal pancreatic cancer. After his passing, each new life challenge and caregiving responsibility added to the emotional weight I carried every morning. Though my commitment to living my best life as my best self was driven by good intentions, it compounded my stress, ultimately culminating in my breast cancer diagnosis in 2013. You can learn more about my recovery and return to work here.
The pandemic years amplified the rumble of discontent. As I emerged from this period and faced yet another caregiving challenge, I began to pay closer attention to the signs of misalignment in my journey toward a sense of self-actualization. Here are some signs that your life may not currently be aligned to support your journey toward self-actualization:
- Persistent Sense of Emptiness: Despite wins and achieving success, the anticipated joy and satisfaction remain elusive. The more we accomplish, the more we come to understand the fleeting nature of its rewards.
- Feeling Trapped by Societal Expectations: Gender roles, career expectations, or external “shoulds” weigh heavily on your decisions. The trap is exhausting and distracting.
- A Misalignment Between Life, Work, and Values: As we progress through impressive careers, our professional titles and responsibilities slip out of alignment with who we truly are. You might suddenly realize that your role in your personal life is misaligned or worse, conflicts with your values. As individuals, we are constantly evolving, and so are our values. It's essential to ensure that our work and personal lives grow in harmony with this evolution. Read more: When Your Values Shift, Encore Blog, November 11, 2022.
- Personal Growth: You feel as though you’re stagnating, despite your achievements. You catch yourself muttering "same old" when searching for motivation, reading about or engaging in personal growth.
If this strikes a chord, practise self-compassion. Take comfort in understanding that inner conflict is part of self-awareness and often the first step in meaningful self-discovery.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson. Embrace this truth and reconnect with your authentic self.
The Weight of Expectations on Women
Women take on leadership roles in both their personal and professional lives—some formal and recognized, others informal (but crucial) and often unpaid. Yet, women frequently encounter unique pressures that fuel an internal struggle and juxtaposition with self-actualization. Societal expectations, entrenched gender norms, and unequal dynamics at home and in the workplace can suppress even the boldest aspirations. On top of this, the weight of caregiving responsibilities continues to fall disproportionately on women. The injustice of unrealistic expectations zaps our energy - physical, mental, and emotional. Be kind. Be patient. Be all you can be to lift the weight of expectations for yourself. You truly are magic!
Strategies to Realign Your Path for Self-Actualization
Tapping into your true potential begins with intentional steps toward self-discovery and action. Here’s how you can start the process of realignment:
1. Reflect Deeply on What Matters to You
Take the time to reflect on your own values, passions, and aspirations. Be cautious—avoid seeking input from others during this process. While their intentions may be good, their feedback often reflects who they think you should be or want you to be, not who you truly are. This reflection exercise is about discovering more about yourself. By intentionally identifying what drives you, you can ensure the path you’re creating aligns with your most authentic self. Remember, you have the power to design a life that feels genuine, fulfilling, and uniquely yours.
3 Key Questions to Understand Your Values, Passions, and Aspirations
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What brings me the most joy, energy, and fulfillment in my personal and professional life?
Reflect on the moments or experiences that truly light you up. Are you driven by helping others, tackling complex challenges, or building something meaningful? Identifying these patterns can reveal what genuinely motivates you, enabling you to thrive while guarding against the risk of burnout. -
What principles and beliefs do I hold onto, even when it’s challenging?
Your values guide your decisions and define who you are and how you show up in the world. Think about situations when you’ve stood firm for something important. These moments often highlight the core beliefs that should steer both your career and personal growth. From my perspective, the pandemic brought my principles and beliefs to the forefront, proving that even in the face of adversity, we can draw on our inner strength to remain true to ourselves. -
If I could design my ideal future, what would it look and feel like?
Picture your life five, ten, or even twenty years from now. What will you be doing? Who will you want to be with? How will it feel to wake up each morning? No matter your age or despite your age, dare to dream big and turn those aspirations into clear, actionable steps you can (need to) start taking today.
2. Address the “Shoulds” and "Tolerations" Holding You Back
Societal “shoulds” (“I should want a corner office” or “I should follow this path”) can diminish your sense of agency—your ability to act in your best interest. Reframe these internal narratives with empowering self-talk. Instead of thinking, “I should always say yes at work,” shift to, “What will saying yes cost me in time and energy?”, "When I say no to someone or something, what am I saying yes to for myself?"
Tolerations can zap your energy and distract you from your goals. Identify your tolerations, whether it be a messy workspace or an unfulfilling job, and create action plans to eliminate them. Eliminating tolerations isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Each step you take in addressing tolerations will help you reclaim your power and design a life that aligns with your values and aspirations. You've got this! If you would like to learn how to ZAP tolerations, connect with me HERE.
Three common tolerations to address immediately.
- Unclear or Unrealistic Expectations from Others
- Toxic or One-sided Relationships
- Neglecting Your Own Well-Being
3. Seek Support from Mentors and Like-Minded Women
Surround yourself with people who support and empower you, especially women who share your values and goals. Join groups where you can connect with like-minded individuals and learn from mentors. Build a strong network. Mentors, coaches, or peers who understand your goals can be transformative. Share your challenges with them for clarity and encouragement when the path feels uncertain.
4. Set Goals that Align with Your Values
Instead of chasing traditional markers of success like a high salary, prestigious titles, or material possessions, focus on setting goals that truly reflect your values. This might involve dedicating more time to family, pursuing a passion project, or investing in your personal and professional growth.
5. Redefine Success
Success goes beyond reaching goals, gaining fame, or achieving recognition. Think holistically—does your professional life/work support your personal life, and vice versa? Does your life and work align with your desire for happiness, health, connection, and purpose? Redefining success allows you to pursue authentic, fulfilling achievements rather than simply checking items off a list. Do bucket lists make you cringe as much as they do me?
6. Set Authentic, Meaningful Goals that Serve You.
Set authentic, meaningful goals that truly resonate with who you are—not what others expect of you. Align your goals with your core values, break goals into actionable steps, and prioritize consistent progress over perfection.
“The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” Anonymous. Use this as a guiding principle—your goals should honour your own timeline and values.
7. Commit to Lifelong Growth
Self-actualization is not a destination but a process, a continuous improvement journey. Sustained growth comes from reading insightful books, participating in workshops, and embracing personal development practices. Likewise, techniques such as cognitive reappraisal, often used in resilience-building, can help reframe your perspective and navigate challenges with a stronger mindset.
From Adversity to Triumph: A Story of Courage and Fulfillment
I’m currently working with Ann (a pseudonym), who left a lucrative corporate career a few years ago to become part of the expanding community of social impact entrepreneurs. Though the move felt terrifying at first, Ann revealed that she could no longer ignore or jeopardize her authentic self or the growing disconnect she felt with corporate objectives. After thirty years of steadily ascending the corporate ladder, it was the first time she felt her personal and professional lives genuinely aligned with her core values. “I had to unlearn everything society instilled in me about success and redefine the lessons the workplace taught me about making a meaningful, positive impact,” she said. “For the first time, I truly believe and trust in my ability to create something that authentically represents who I am—and it's worth it.".
Ann's journey reminds us that the road to self-actualization is deeply personal and built on a foundation of self-trust. Whether it’s chasing entrepreneurial dreams, finding new balance in a corporate career, or nurturing meaningful relationships, the key is remaining authentic and being true to yourself.
Closing Thoughts. Call to Action
Pursuing self-actualization doesn’t mean neglecting your responsibilities or discarding a history of professional accomplishments. Instead, it’s about granting yourself the freedom to live authentically, focus on what truly matters, eliminate tolerations, distractions, and obstacles, and align your actions with your core values.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi once said, “Self-actualization is not only about seeing your potential but also about striving to realize it.”
The first step to realizing your potential is the most important one. The very next step...
Next Step. Start today. Connect with me HERE if you're looking for a skilled coach to guide you on your journey toward self-actualization—with greater ease, grace, and joy.
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